Love on Facebook: How Social Networks Signify Communal Status

Among its 500 million users, there are two relatively new couples on Facebook; one, a recently married pair in New York City, and the other, an increasingly seriously committed relationship in Los Angeles. Both couples work in image-conscious industries; between them, each pair has several thousand online friends. Despite the fact both couples see each other on a daily basis, all four people find it necessary to regularly post somewhat swoony notes of affection (“A great weekend with my love, [tagged_name]!”) in the form of status updates, guaranteeing that all 2,000 of their most intimate friends will see what they’re up to.

Putting aside romance, these status updates are an intriguing commentary on romance in an age where one’s ‘community’ is no longer limited to those we see in person. Most people are perfectly aware of how little privacy Facebook offers them. If they simply wanted to write their beloved a note, they could send that person a private message, but they have purposefully decided to go public.

In fact, both couples use Facebook for two primary things: to talk about their love for each other, and to promote their work. The level of private detail (the NYC couple posted a pic of themselves chastely in bed, along with their new cat) contrasted with the outright public salesmanship (the Los Angeles couple held a large paid event) brings up the question: is this how people have always maintained their status in communities, except now those communities have a live feed?

The ceremony of marriage used to function as a kind of public announcement: “This is my betrothed, hands off.” But now that we maintain connections with people we never see, Facebook has started to become a place where we make intimate statements that in previous years would have been whispered into someone’s ear, all so we can maintain our place in society. Social networking has enabled us to have much larger circles; but to define ourselves within those circles, we have had to translate and in some cases totally rework our behaviors. If marriage used to be formalized with a ceremony, it now appears to require a dozen weekly status updates.